I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
