I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
