can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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