I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
