no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
