yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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