she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Panties = found
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