WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
