She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
