I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
