I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
