he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
