real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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