my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
