he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
