I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize