i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
