WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
