I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
