i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
