Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As shirtless as possible
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
