and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
how drunk are you?
Several
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize