why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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