i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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