Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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