get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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