capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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