I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
