tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
