A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
