That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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