We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
