I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The police scanner is talking about you again....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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