Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
