When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
where are my eyebrows?
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