We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
