Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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