i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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