I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
