just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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