Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize