Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
