so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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