i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
