Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
