The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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