Christians are straight up FREAKS
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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