I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
