The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
