Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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