I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Everyone says I win the strip club
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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