New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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