my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
