I hate all girls vehemently.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
