Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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