Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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