Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
