I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
