oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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