Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
