so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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