dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
