it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
