I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize